Adventures in intercontinental relationship building Link to heading
A few years ago, I was assigned to a project that required significant work from two teams. I was part of a team in the US. The other team was in India. Any possible meeting times would be outside of normal business hours for at least one of the two teams. My team (myself included!) resisted meetings - we wanted to use offline tools as much as possible, even when the team in India wanted to meet with us. Thus, from the very start of the project, we only talked to each other when we needed to resolve important conflicts. Sounds good, right? Living the dream - communicating asynchronously and keeping the project moving 24/7.
But because we only ever talked to each other when we had a conflict, we didn’t build any goodwill or trust. My team developed an “us vs. them” mindset. We missed important requirements gaps; we didn’t listen when the other team expressed concerns. Each team charted its own course and expected the other team to go along with it. Each viewed the other as an obstacle, not a partner. It got so bad that our managers had to intervene. They required us to meet several times a week, and they attended the meetings as referees. We actually had productive meetings when our “refs” were in attendance; when they weren’t there to mediate, things got tense pretty quickly.
This, by the way, is not a good look. Directors do not enjoy babysitting their employees just to keep a project moving.
But to my great astonishment, these meetings actually helped. We learned to work together. I had been thinking of the other team as a single unit; now, I got to know them as individuals. I started to understand some of the pressure they were under from their own leadership. And we delivered the project! Maybe not on time, exactly, but pretty close. Close enough to call it a win.
Here’s the thing. Later on, I started meeting with each of the people from the other team in 1:1s. No agenda; just getting to know each other. And you know what? I liked them. Turns out, they weren’t unreasonable jerks - they were competent, insightful people. I realized that each team had been given a very different impression of their role in the overall project. Maybe if we’d all talked more openly with each other, we would have figured that out much earlier.
This post isn’t meant to be about the joys and pitfalls of working with colleagues around the world, although of course you could read it that way. My takeaway is this: If I develop a cordial relationship with my co-workers when the stakes are low, then I’m much more likely to be able to work with them effectively when things get tough.
I don’t need to be besties with my colleagues. I just need enough common ground that when we’re thrown together for a project, I approach it collaboratively, not combatively. Getting to know people is tricky when you can’t bump into each other in the hallway. If I want to develop those relationships, I need to be intentional about it.
Originally posted on Substack